


Secritism {Janus Sanders Sides Fanfiction} - Chapter One - Wattpad

by nyren_is_tired



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Bad Writing, Deceit | Janus Sanders Angst, Deceit | Janus Sanders-centric, Gen, Heavy Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, Imported, Platonic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, References to Depression, Sorry Not Sorry, Swearing, Sympathetic Dark Sides (Sanders Sides), Sympathetic Light Sides (Sanders Sides), Sympathetic Sides (Sanders Sides)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:34:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28561389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyren_is_tired/pseuds/nyren_is_tired
Summary: As a secret alcoholic, Janus isn't doing so well.A//N: This is not just chapter one - I just tried importing for once and, well, it didn't work out well x/
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **FULL LIST OF POSSIBLE TW's**: angst, swearing, alcohol, depressing thoughts, mentions of bars, mentions of smoking, mentions of vaping, SH mentions, medicine abuse, knives mentions, taser mentions, innuendos, mentions of hookups (will add more as needed)
> 
> A//N: I am the original author, I initially tried importing this from my wattpad and... now it's titled slightly differently but ehhhh (pwease don't steal my works btw).

Constricted pupils and overall elated, glossy eyes jerked from one thing in the room to the next as gloved hands fumble with keys. These keys would reopen a metal container, long ago lifted from its hiding space within the floorboards underneath a bed. A couple empty liquor bottles lay cluttered haphazardly around the room, in places they’d been left upon completion. The alcoholic side had long ago taken his first sip for the night, and was currently blasting his playlist in his locked room so as to cover up any drunken noises he might make. Sure, since it was about 3am, occasionally another side would be awoken and proceed to pound at his door, demanding he shut up for once at night. But did Janus care? No. Well, at least not when he was drunk.

Suddenly, a surge of anger overtook him at his inability to open the case hiding his secret salvation. He launched the box at his wall, wincing when it collided with the wall. Once his drunken mind comprehended what had occurred, tears started to bubble into his eyes. 

“Damn it. Now they might have broke. Damn it - I NEEDED that!” He slurred fast, upset with himself again. The very thing he was self medicating for.

“I fucking hate myself.”


	2. Chapter 2

In the morning, Janus woke up on the floor with a splitting headache. It didn’t help that the music was still blaring and bouncing throughout the walls of his room. ‘Gah, how do the others ever not deal with me?’

He knew this was bad for him, sure, but he also knew he was a hypocrite. And did he care? Well, yes, but also, no. He could care about what others did, but when it came to himself? He didn’t give a shit what happened, at this point. He didn’t deserve to take care of himself. Why should he? The one thing he still cared about: secrecy. He couldn’t handle somebody finding out about his ‘issues’. They’d look at him differently, treat him differently, and much more. And the worst part? It would all hurt him in some way. He could handle the way they acted right now, but he just knew he couldn’t handle it if the others found out.

Another pounding knock echoed from his door. Janus jumped a little, gaze flickering to where the knocks where coming from. His migraine flared more with each knock, irritating him.

“Turn down the music! It’s been blaring for seven hours!” The side knocking shouted through the door. Janus knew he couldn’t let them see the state his room was in, so he opted to open a crack in the door just big enough to slip out through quickly.  
The door abuser of this specific instance, having not expected the door to open, whacked Janus’ head. Janus hissed and clutched his head, his already aggravated headache only being added to.  
The door abuser, now identified as Roman, looked at Janus in shock. He looked terrible. He had under eye bags to rival Virgil’s, looked somewhat disheveled, and looked to be in some pain. 

“Gosh, I apologize, I didn’t think you would come out-“

“I did, we aren’t all gay,” Janus replied with a glare. Roman took a moment to process. By the time he had figured out what Janus meant, said side was already halfway down the hall to the kitchen. 

The music was left blaring.


	3. Chapter 3

Janus walked into the shared kitchen, rummaging through the drawers to find what he eventually found. Ibuprofen. ‘God, hangovers are utterly irresistible. I love them.’ 

Janus dry swallowed three of the pills, unaware he was being observed.

“Why do you require three ibuprofen?” A voice - Logan’s - questioned from the other side of the counter. Janus jumped and spun, having been unaware of the other’s presence.

“Roman did not whack me by accident,” He responded. Even shocked, he was still the embodiment of deceit. And it wasn’t even a complete lie - it was partially the reason.

Logan studied Janus, ever observant. Janus turned back around slower, proceeding to make some black tea with two sugars. Logan continued watching where he had been standing, lost in speculation. While 

Janus was the embodiment of deceit, Logan was still the embodiment of logic. And that meant, well, it meant that Janus might be under closer scrutiny than he realizes.


	4. Chapter 4

“Okay microsoft nerd, why have you interrupted my glorious time this time?” Roman asked upon being summoned into Logan’s bedroom where Patton and Virgil appeared to have been summoned similarly.

“You better make this quick - I was listening to MCR. Plus, you know your room interrupts my functioning,” Virgil grumbled to Logan as he removed his headphones from his head. 

“Indeed. It would also be beneficial to make this quick so as to avoid being discovered.” Patton looked mildly shocked by that sentence, shocked and concerned.

“Lo, why - is something wrong?” Patton’s face quickly morphed into worry as he started rambling.

“Patt, Patt, stop. You’re making yourself all worked up - that’s my job. We don’t even know what the issue is yet - and we won’t unless you stop rambling,” Virgil interrupted, eyebrows creased together.

“He’s right. Now, I’ve gathered you three here today due to a growing concern I have. I’ve been observing Janus over the past few weeks more and more, and I’m concerned there is a, self destructive habit he may be engaging in of which he is hiding from us.”

“This is what you have summoned me here for? Of course he’s hiding something from us - he’s deceit! A villain wouldn’t tell all their plans now would they?” Roman outburst, incredulous. Virgil, whose face had contorted into disgust at Janus’ name being said, now showed worry for his old friend. Patton looked like he was going to go run and hug Janus while crying and mumbling nonsense. At Roman’s appalled words, he turned to him, immediately going into ‘dad mode’. By the end of his rant to Roman, Roman looked apologetically bashful. 

“Of course, how unprincly of me. I do have a crown to maintain, after all.”

“Roman!” Patton exclaimed, appalled.

Roman mini screeched, jumped while turning to Patton and threw his hands in the air, “Ididntmeanitlikethat!”

Virgil had meanwhile begun pacing and muttering, trying to figure out what it could be that was wrong. 

“Smoking - no doesn’t smell of smoke. Vaping? I doubt it. Alcohol - I haven’t seen him looking drunk. Although, he did reside by the bar the one time we went out when I first moved in with the light sides. Drugs? He always warned me against them but there’s always the what if. Self harm? I don’t think he’s depressed but I also haven’t seen him in forever so I-“

“Virgil,” Logan put his hands on Virgil’s shoulders, scaring him slightly but effectively taking him out of his trance. The other two turned from their slight bickering to Logan as well.

“Pacing and muttering will not deduce any results. Seeing as you all appear concerned, I believe the best course of action would be to engage in conversation. In which we may put together a best course of action. Afterwards, we proceed.”

And with that, the four began.


	5. Chapter 5

Janus awoke with music blaring, a few empty liquor bottles with said receipts (as he had to purchase more for his newly acquired hidden safe 2.0 as the previous one had indeed been broken), a hangover, and light knocking on his door. Wait? Light knocking? Nobody ever knocks lightly on his door at - he looks at his clock - seven am. 

Grumbling and groaning, Janus pushes himself to get up and open the door a crack. His eyes widen a bit as he sees Patton nervously twirling his thumbs.

“Goodbye?” Janus asks slightly gruffly, startling Patton somewhat.

“Eep! Oh, hehh, sorry kiddo I guess I zoned out a bit there. Do you mind if I come in?” Patton asked, somewhat bashfully.

Janus, having lost himself when Patton called him ‘kiddo’ nearly went to open the door more for him. Then, suddenly snapping back from his self deprecating thoughts centering around that he couldn’t have meant that, he stepped into the hallway, shutting the door quickly behind him.

Patton looked as though he were about to say something, but Janus beat him to it.

“How about we leave your room? Mine is certainly very tidy.” Patton pondered on this for a moment, gaze flickering from Janus’ door, to Janus, to the hallway behind Janus, and back. 

“Hmm, how about we go to the kitchen, instead. My room isn’t very clean right now either, uhm, we could make breakfast?” Janus looked skeptically at Patton, before chuckling a bit. ‘He’s not serious. He’s actually not serious.’

“Sure.”


	6. Chapter 6

In the kitchen, Patton set to work prepping to bake some chocolate chip cookies. While Patton rummaged around for the ingredients and tools, Janus still couldn’t quite fathom what was going on in Patton’s mind. Why would he suddenly spare interest for him? It’s not like he was important to him. So - ah, Patton appears much too tense to be doing this out of pure untainted care for him. Well, it was just going to be one of those days, eh?

As Patton set about the ingredients on the counter, he rambled a bit excitedly about having Janus around- albeit being a bit nervous about the half lie so near to Janus. He relaxed a little when Janus came up next to him and started mixing the dry ingredients without so much as an eyebrow raise at the lie. Maybe he wasn’t paying attention? Patton frowned at the thought.

“Pigs can fly.” He got no response other than a nod and hum of acknowledgment. He definitely wasn’t fully there. Hmmmm… suddenly Patton smiled wide, taking the dry ingredients when handed them to mix with the wet ingredients per request.

Janus jumped, startled when he found he was suddenly covered in the dry ingredients. He looked at Patton, eyes wide. He was meet with a small, “Oops,” before he burst out laughing. After a second Patton joined in, although a bit more heartily and slightly less acting as if it were the funniest thing that’d ever happened and oh god he couldn’t breathe he was laughing too hard.

Janus ran a hand down his face, effectively getting his glove covered in the dust, before staring at it for a second, smirking devilishly. Without so much as a thought, he quickly play slapped Patton’s arm. 

Patton stared in mock shock for a second.

“Oh, you’re gonna get so messy, you won’t know what happened!”

And by the end of the hour, they were both covered in the cookie ingredients, left staring at the singular cookie they had managed to produce.

After they both broke down laughing when they took in the sight of themselves (and had calmed down), Janus spoke up.

“Ah, a perfect bakers dozen.”


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus pops by, eventually growing concerned for Janus.

Later, after Janus had excused himself to clean up, there was another knock on his door. ‘Well aren’t I just adored, today. Wonder when they’ll give up,’ Janus sulked at the door, looking away from where he had been looking in the mirror. 

“No moments!” He called from his attached bathroom, before looking back at his reflection intently for a few moments, trying to find what could be worth looking at in it. Alas, his reflection spared no answers. So with one last grimace, he popped a few pills from his cupboard, and put back up his walls. 

However, as he opened the door, he noticed there was nobody at the door. ‘Huh, wonder what that was about.’

Turning back, he walked right into something. Something that suddenly had arms squeezing all too tight, and whose stench made his nose crinkle. ‘Ah, Remus.’

“-ble Dee!” the now identified Remus whined, “You’re no fun.” Janus’ eyebrows wrinkled in slight confusion at that, but was quickly replaced with his normal air of indifference. 

“I definitely know what you’re talking about,” he voiced as he slipped out of Remus’ death grip. Which was, apparently, literal too, as it quickly became apparent what he was referring to. 

Janus massaged his temples and let out a breath, “You really should continue this. I adore the random attacks, no thank you. I mean, honestly? You’ve already turned your nails into knives before,” Janus faux scoffs, looking at his gloved nails. 

“...Could’ve at least made them tasers, or something. You know, try something new.” Remus cackles at this, wrapping an arm around Janus’ shoulder and attempting to boop his nose (of which he only fails due to Janus hissing and making a move to bite him).

Remus giggles, “Feisty, maybe we should take this to the bedroom. Oooh~ No, make that the kitc-”

Janus sighs exasperatedly, “Shut up.”

“Oooh~ Why don’t you make me, hmmm? Ooh~ Maybe we could see if you really do ha-”

“Go be horny elsewhere, Remus. Go find a hookup at the bar, or something, I really don’t care. Just, stop,” Janus was rubbing his temples again, and finally, Remus was concerned. Usually Janus wouldn’t be so..direct or apathetic about anything. And he’d most certainly never advise going to a bar to find a hookup - especially not just to get Remus away from him. At most, he’d just scoff once and ignore him, sparring the occasional sarcastic comment. And this, this look just didn’t suit him. 

He’d have to fix that.


End file.
